So, I am also new here and I would really love some critique on the latest piece that I wrote. I am submitting this piece into a contest and the theme is "Ancient Voices". I would love some feedback. Thanks!


The infant sun peaks out over the
ancient horizon and stony
brooks gurgle to life. Ripple
upon ripple form due to
the gentle caresses of one
much older than time.

Crickets chirp, morning doves
flutter about, and fawns begin
their daily game of hide and seek,
but Zephyr reigns supreme.

The forests, once ablaze with
movement, come to a standstill
listening to the faint whisper
of one long forgotten,

one whom is never seen but always felt
singing a song all his own:

Listen closely and my secret
will no longer be just mine.

As She begins her trek through
the sands of time, You will flourish
in everything You do-
harvests a plenty
and languages too,
roofs of protection
and waters that cleanse.
Advancement in science
and the ability to grow.

All She asks in return
is for You to never forget
where it is You come from
or suffer the wrath of a
Goddess more powerful than You.

Heed this warning
and all shall be fine,
life will go on,
civilizations will rise.
The world will see
boy kings, autocratic rulers
and democracies but as time
drags on the ability to hear
will soon become selective and
He did give You a warning.

In anger and sadness, He lashes out
against those who dare forget
they are nothing without Her.

Insolent fool, You claim to be tough.
Pompous commander, You're full of fluff.
Now I will show you what strength truly is!
Disaster, disaster, You won’t find a break,
destroying and tearing all you claim is great.
Start over anew, work Your way back to the top
and when the time comes, I will make you stop!
Whether this time you listen, is of no concern to me
I will just use force rather than let you be!

The harsh gales settle down
and the calm one renews His whispers,
forewarning those who take the time to truly listen.